Why do I do it?

Sometimes I start asking myself questions, ones that aren't very useful or productive. Such is the nature of doubt. It creeps into your mind when you least expect it and it rarely leaves you with something productive. Why do I keep lifting heavy, why do I keep forcing myself to eat and take all my supplements, why do I organize my free time schedule around going to the gym.

During the past few years, I have had at least two or three joints with pains or aches at all times, either because I'm injured, or because of overuse tendinitis. I've never seen eating as much of a pleasure in life, and although there are foods I enjoy, I've always seen feeding as taking in fuel for your body, so as a necessity. There are also times when I think to myself when I'm out that I'd rather not stay too long, because I have to do deadlifts the next day and I want to be in top shape.

As far as appreciation from others goes, it was never a good motivator for me, even though it's always nice to hear compliments. Also, nobody cares how much I squat or deadlift, or how many pull-ups I can do.The thing is that working out with a serious training regimen is only a competition against yourself.

I remember when I first walked into the gym a few years ago. I fooled around with weights when I was younger, but I wasn't too serious about it. Then I decided I wanted to be strong. As soon as I stepped in I felt uncomfortable, like everybody was watching and judging me. The fact that I was doing squats with just the bar and struggling to bench 30 kilos didn't help. Even though some people were probably doing exactly that, I learned quickly that it doesn't matter. The ones who are in there to actually do hard work, don't have time to care about anything. And the same way it doesn't matter when I'm struggling with baby weights, it doesn't matter if I can deadlift a car. The only true reason to keep going is to be better than I used to be. The weight on the bar is only an indicator of progress, not what defines me as a person.

The fact is that lifting is an anchor in my life. If I keep doing it, it reflects in a positive manner in many other areas. It forces me to eat better, it forces me to try to keep a tight sleeping schedule, but most of all it allows me to set goals for myself, which is something I've always had trouble with, perhaps because of depression. I don't do it for compliments, I don't do it for attention, I don't do it to try to beat somebody else. Even though we are not alone in this world, and these things do matter for everybody, they're not enough. Motivation has to come from within. As soon as you start relying on exterior motivation as the driving force for your actions, you expose yourself to disappointment. When all is said and done, the only person that will always be there for you is yourself. And that's okay.

Two wheels

Against my better judgement, I decided to go out for a bike ride today. My hip was feeling a little bit better and I decided not to push myself too hard, just pedal to the sound of music on a quiet morning. That of course didn't happen, because I'm not very patient and I love to sprint. Plus, the pump I get in my quads from going hard for a minute or two feels great.

I like to listen to music when I ride, even though some might think that's a little bit dangerous. I just keep the volume down and pay extra attention to cars around me. Anyway, it was Sunday morning so there wasn't too much traffic.

Just as I was starting to go down this hill, Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd started playing on my ipod, and it couldn't have been a better moment. Rushing down at max speed, wind blowing, the smell of flowers and trees around me. When I came back, tired and sweaty, another perfect song. Feuer Frei. It helped me push and get on top of that hill faster. It was an awesome sensation.

Another cool thing happened. I was passing through this park and there was some sort of air show going on. Some guys from a parachuting club were doing precision jumps and I caught a picture of one of them landing. It was really sunny and my eyes were hurting from looking up at the sky so I didn't notice the dude in the black shirt when I took it.

All in all, a good way to start the day, even though I probably should be resting as much as possible. If I'm feeling better tomorrow, I'm deadlifting heavy again.

90 days of summer

I have 3 months left till I turn 26 so I decided I'm going to push myself extra hard in order to achieve a big milestone that I've always had my eyes on. I want to be able to perform 25+ pull-ups, deadlift 2x my body weight, squat 1.5x and bench press 1x for reps. I've had this target set up for myself ever since I started lifting and although it's going to be difficult, I think I can do it with a little bit of discipline.

Current stats:

Height: 1.81 cm
Weight: 68kg
Pull-ups: 20 reps
Deadlift: 105kg 3x3
Squat: 95x1
Bench press: 60kg 6x3

Deadlifting 140 kgs will be the most difficult to accomplish, followed by the bench press because of a nagging shoulder and the fact that I don't plan on gaining much weight during this time, if at all. Upper body pushing movements have always been my weakness. I'll just have to focus on form, technique and bringing up my triceps strength, since I've noticed they're lacking.

I'll be aiming for 150+ grams of protein every day and trying to get more quality sleep. I'll be testing my max squat and deadlift every 7-10 days and focus on form an assistance exercises in between. For upper body exercises, the time between personal record attempts will be 4-7 days. Deload time will have to be scheduled in somehow, but I have to do some research on this, as I've never done it on purpose within the parameters of a strict program.

I'll also try to keep a log of my progress here and check back on it every two weeks or so to see what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong.

Moment of sonder

"Every person on earth is living as if they are the protagonist of their own story.

Every person who has ever hurt you. every person who has ever loved you. every stranger you pass on the street. The guy who cut you off in traffic. The girl that gave you a dirty look when you reached for the coffee on the shelf she was blocking. Everyone.

And to many of them, you are a fleeting character - a cardboard cutout, even - that barely registers in their story. Others know you better but you are still a subordinate. A little less real."

The Iron

This article originally appeared in Details Magazine in 1994.

The Iron
by Henry Rollins


I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself.

Completely.

When I was young I had no sense of myself. All I was, was a product of all the fear and humiliation I suffered. Fear of my parents. The humiliation of teachers calling me "garbage can" and telling me I'd be mowing lawns for a living. And the very real terror of my fellow students. I was threatened and beaten up for the color of my skin and my size. I was skinny and clumsy, and when others would tease me I didn't run home crying, wondering why.

I knew all too well. I was there to be antagonized. In sports I was laughed at. A spaz. I was pretty good at boxing but only because the rage that filled my every waking moment made me wild and unpredictable. I fought with some strange fury. The other boys thought I was crazy.

I hated myself all the time.

As stupid at it seems now, I wanted to talk like them, dress like them, carry myself with the ease of knowing that I wasn't going to get pounded in the hallway between classes. Years passed and I learned to keep it all inside. I only talked to a few boys in my grade. Other losers. Some of them are to this day the greatest people I have ever known. Hang out with a guy who has had his head flushed down a toilet a few times, treat him with respect, and you'll find a faithful friend forever. But even with friends, school sucked. Teachers gave me hard time. I didn't think much of them either.

Then came Mr. Pepperman, my advisor. He was a powerfully built Vietnam veteran, and he was scary. No one ever talked out of turn in his class. Once one kid did and Mr. P. lifted him off the ground and pinned him to the blackboard. Mr. P. could see that I was in bad shape, and one Friday in October he asked me if I had ever worked out with weights. I told him no.

He told me that I was going to take some of the money that I had saved and buy a hundred-pound set of weights at Sears. As I left his office, I started to think of things I would say to him on Monday when he asked about the weights that I was not going to buy. Still, it made me feel special. My father never really got that close to caring. On Saturday I bought the weights, but I couldn't even drag them to my mom's car. An attendant laughed at me as he put them on a dolly.

Monday came and I was called into Mr. P.'s office after school. He said that he was going to show me how to work out. He was going to put me on a program and start hitting me in the solar plexus in the hallway when I wasn't looking. When I could take the punch we would know that we were getting somewhere. At no time was I to look at myself in the mirror or tell anyone at school what I was doing. In the gym he showed me ten basic exercises. I paid more attention than I ever did in any of my classes. I didn't want to blow it. I went home that night and started right in.

Weeks passed, and every once in a while Mr. P. would give me a shot and drop me in the hallway, sending my books flying. The other students didn't know what to think. More weeks passed, and I was steadily adding new weights to the bar. I could sense the power inside my body growing. I could feel it.

Right before Christmas break I was walking to class, and from out of nowhere Mr. Pepperman appeared and gave me a shot in the chest. I laughed and kept going. He said I could look at myself now. I got home and ran to the bathroom and pulled off my shirt. I saw a body, not just the shell that housed my stomach and my heart. My biceps bulged. My chest had definition. I felt strong. It was the first time I can remember having a sense of myself. I had done something and no one could ever take it away. You couldn't say shit to me.

It took me years to fully appreciate the value of the lessons I have learned from the Iron. I used to think that it was my adversary, that I was trying to lift that which does not want to be lifted. I was wrong. When the Iron doesn't want to come off the mat, it's the kindest thing it can do for you. If it flew up and went through the ceiling, it wouldn't teach you anything. That's the way the Iron talks to you. It tells you that the material you work with is that which you will come to resemble. That which you work against will always work against you.

It wasn't until my late twenties that I learned that by working out I had given myself a great gift. I learned that nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain. When I finish a set that leaves me shaking, I know more about myself. When something gets bad, I know it can't be as bad as that workout.

I used to fight the pain, but recently this became clear to me: pain is not my enemy; it is my call to greatness. But when dealing with the Iron, one must be careful to interpret the pain correctly. Most injuries involving the Iron come from ego. I once spent a few weeks lifting weight that my body wasn't ready for and spent a few months not picking up anything heavier than a fork. Try to lift what you're not prepared to and the Iron will teach you a little lesson in restraint and self-control.

I have never met a truly strong person who didn't have self-respect. I think a lot of inwardly and outwardly directed contempt passes itself off as self-respect: the idea of raising yourself by stepping on someone's shoulders instead of doing it yourself. When I see guys working out for cosmetic reasons, I see vanity exposing them in the worst way, as cartoon characters, billboards for imbalance and insecurity. Strength reveals itself through character. It is the difference between bouncers who get off strong-arming people and Mr. Pepperman.

Muscle mass does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity. Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart.

Yukio Mishima said that he could not entertain the idea of romance if he was not strong. Romance is such a strong and overwhelming passion, a weakened body cannot sustain it for long. I have some of my most romantic thoughts when I am with the Iron. Once I was in love with a woman. I thought about her the most when the pain from a workout was racing through my body.

Everything in me wanted her. So much so that sex was only a fraction of my total desire. It was the single most intense love I have ever felt, but she lived far away and I didn't see her very often. Working out was a healthy way of dealing with the loneliness. To this day, when I work out I usually listen to ballads.

I prefer to work out alone.

It enables me to concentrate on the lessons that the Iron has for me. Learning about what you're made of is always time well spent, and I have found no better teacher. The Iron had taught me how to live. Life is capable of driving you out of your mind. The way it all comes down these days, it's some kind of miracle if you're not insane. People have become separated from their bodies. They are no longer whole.

I see them move from their offices to their cars and on to their suburban homes. They stress out constantly, they lose sleep, they eat badly. And they behave badly. Their egos run wild; they become motivated by that which will eventually give them a massive stroke. They need the Iron Mind.

Through the years, I have combined meditation, action, and the Iron into a single strength. I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts. Time spent away from the Iron makes my mind degenerate. I wallow in a thick depression. My body shuts down my mind.

The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's impossible to turn back.

The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you're a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.

I felt like destroying something beatiful

The skin on the palms of my hands is almost torn. My fingers are shaking. I can barely bend my elbows. The towel I brought with me is soaking wet. I feel like I don't remember how to walk. I glance at my self in the mirror, there's no expression on my face.

My heart is pounding and I breathe heavily. My vision is narrowed, the periphery gets lost in a blur. I can't hear what song is playing on the radio, but I can feel the beat. The people moving around me are just figurines doing a silly dance. My mind is almost blank, only able to focus on breathing.

 I take a final sip of water, the whole bottle is gone. I don't remember what I say to the guy at the door, but I'm pretty sure I said something. I'm on auto-pilot now.

I go down the stairs, carefully grabbing the handles, because my legs are fried. Night time has come, and the air is nice and cool. There's a pleasant aroma floating around me; it seems like linden, probably from a nearby tree.

People are out walking their dogs, but my eyes are fixed in the distance. I almost don't hear the sound of cars passing on my side, and their lights seem to be like white balls of light flying by.

My mind is clear, void of thoughts, but it feels like it doesn't need anything to occupy it or distract it either. Beautiful, sublime nothingness. I felt like destroying something beautiful, but I destroyed myself instead. This was a good workout.

Great last lines from famous movies

"You met me at a very strange time in my life."
-Fight Club.

"I find I am so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope."
-The Shawshank Redemption

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, he's gone."
-The Usual Suspects

"There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane. The vicious and the evil. All the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp. And I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this there is no catharsis. My punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling.

This confession has meant nothing."
-American Psycho

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."
-Gone With The Wind

"Now you're looking for the secret... but you won't find it, because of course you're not really looking. You don't really want to know. You want to be...fooled."
-The Prestige

 "I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook."
-Goodfellas

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a ballooon that about to burst, but then I remember to relax and stop holding onto it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about I'm sure, but don't worry, you will someday."
-American Beauty

"I don't know the future... I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end, I came here to tell you how this is going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you... a world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you..."
-The Matrix

"This is me taking control of my life...what the fuck have you done lately?"
-Wanted

"I will see you again. But not yet...not yet."
-Gladiator

What if...

What if I had said something instead keeping my mouth shut?

What if I had left everything instead of staying where I was when there was nothing holding me back?

What if I had done what I actually wanted to instead of what was more comfortable?

What if I had had the courage to face my fear instead of letting myself succumb to it?

What if I had stopped listening to them and listened to myself instead?

What if I had jumped forward instead of slowly crawling back?

What if I had taken the time to listen when it mattered instead of turning my head away?

What if I had kept my word instead of breaking a promise?

What if I had tried a little bit instead of  not even making the first step?

What if I had followed my dreams instead of just seeing them in my sleep?

What if I had had the patience to wait instead of letting my impulses take over?

What if I had ignored the rules instead of reluctantly following them when I knew they were not wright?



What if I had taken the time to look around me instead of walking with my head in the clouds?



What if I hadn't flown so close to the sun when I knew that my wings couldn't handle the heat?

What if I hadn't looked back when I knew it would only bring up bad memories?

What if I had let go instead of trying to control the uncontrollable?

What if I had never asked myself what if...?

Improving conversational skills

I stumbled upon an interesting article written by  Linda Sapadin, Ph.D recently about the psychology of conversation.

Here's an excerpt about common obstacles that might interrupt a healthy flow of thoughts and ideas during a discussion:

"To construct our own great conversations, we need to listen and speak respectfully. No need to be starry-eyed lovers. But do everything you can to avoid the Congressional model.

Want to improve your conversational skills? Avoid these common conversational breakers:

Speaking

•     Going on and on without giving the other person a chance to talk. (Yakkety, yak, yak, yak)
•     Pontificating. (Of course, it’s done this way. How else?)
•     Confusing listening with obeying. (Why aren’t you listening to me? I told you to do it this way!)
•     Making a definitive statement without explaining your position. (This is what has to be done.)

Listening

•     Listening while multi-tasking. (Checking your phone messages as you listen.)
•     Responding with frequent “Yes, but” statements. (“Yes, but I don’t want to do it.”)
•     Interrupting with a rebuttal. (“I know what you’re saying and it’s ridiculous.”)
•     Rolling your eyes or displaying other disrespectful body language."

Read the full article here.

There will be blood

We like to make plans, prepare and think we're ready for when the bad times come. Or sometimes when life is good we delude ourselves into thinking that it will keep going on forever, following an ascending slope into happiness and well-being. But that's not the case, isn't it? Troubles come out of nowhere, sometimes when you least expect it, and they seem to never come alone.

A great man once said "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face". This quote belongs to Mike Tyson, and he made getting punched in the face and punching other people's faces his job, but it's a good metaphor for what happens when harm comes your way, even if it's not always physical.

Nothing can get you ready for the unexpected, no back-up plans work 100% and no safety measures are completely reliable. Fortunes are lost over night, injuries cripple athletes for life every day and violence against innocent people is incredibly common. Why even mention this? Especially because that's the question that comes through most people's mind when experiencing hardship. Why? The answer: there is no answer. Sometimes there is no reason and undeserving things happen to undeserving people, both good and bad.

Back to the face punch metaphor. When a hard strike hits you in the head the world around starts to seemingly spin, your eyes begin to water and you're looking for things to hold on to, even though there aren't any around. Sounds familiar? That's pretty much what happens when you lose someone you care about, or your job that you badly needed, or your health. Nothing makes sense and things that used to support you are no longer strong enough to do it.

Next, there's two things that can happen. You can either get knocked-out and then the "fight" is over, or, if you're lucky enough and you can still "keep your hands up", instincts will take over. There's no rational thinking in that moment, "training" (or life experience) is the only force that will keep you going through the storm.

As cliche as it might sound, life is a struggle and we need to be reminded of it more often. Sometimes it seems like you're winning, but then that "punch" comes out of nowhere and down you go. But it works the other way around, too. If you manage to weather the storm, the clouds will clear and sunlight will follow.

One thing to remember, though: even if you came to win, you might still lose. But if you came to lose, you will definitely lose. There's no shortage of unexpected surprises potentially coming our way every day. How we respond to them, well, that's up to every individual's character and personal strength. The good thing about these qualities is that they can be enhanced and improved even in the face of adversity, and sometimes, especially in the face of adversity. Take your punches and give some back.

As I began to love myself

The following text has been often attributed incorrectly to Charlie Chaplin, but it's actually from a book called "When I Loved Myself Enough" by Kim and Allison McMillen. Anyway, it's not that important to whom it belongs, it's just something I think it's worth reading and pondering about.

"As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE!"

Fade to black

I've thought about suicide more than I'd like to admit. I remember talking to a couple of friends once and one of them asks the other if he ever thought about killing himself. His answer was something like "Hell no, and I hope that I never will". Then my turn came and when I said that it's a pretty common occurrence for me they didn't quite believe me. Maybe the fact that I kind of said it like a joke didn't help.

It was the first time I talked about it out loud and while I didn't see it as such a big problem (even though it probably is), it made me ask myself: Why? Why do we do it? Why do we think about it, why do we make plans for it and why do we actually go ahead with those plans and end it all? Humans are the only species that are known for committing suicide. Even more intelligent animals like apes and dolphins have never been documented for engaging in such activities. So maybe intelligence hasn't got much to do with it.

Some do it for what they call a greater purpose, some for honor and some because they think it would be better for those who are close to them (for example, an older person ending his life so he wouldn't be a burden on their community). Most people, however, do it out of despair, which is caused by mental issues, substance abuse and/or stress factors such as financial problems or issues with personal relationships.

Almost a million people commit suicide every year world-wide, with men representing about three quarters of the number of victims, although women attempt suicide much more often. This is probably because of the methods being chosen, men often selecting more violent and therefore more effective means of ending one's life.

I wonder when suicide became a significant cause of death for our society. I bet primitive men, the hunter-gatherer type, didn't have time to think about ending their lives when they had to chase an antelope for three days before they could finally get something to eat. Perhaps suicide is then a product of comfortable living. The fulfillment of our basic needs that used to take up the vast majority of our time, like getting food and shelter, is nowadays, at least for people in developed countries, a non-issue. The physical exercise that usually accompanied obtaining what you needed to survive is also lacking and has to be supplemented through training regimens.

Natural selection is also pretty much non-existent in developed countries. Most diseases are curable or preventable, we have no natural predators and we help our peers in times of need. Suicide then could be nature's way of thinning the herd, culling those who are unfit to be a part of society, as people who end their lives often think of themselves that way, never realizing that they usually leave an emotional void in the hearts of those who care about them.

It is often said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but this is not always the case. For terminally ill patients, it's a way of minimizing the amount of pain felt, but the moral debates have yet to be settled on this issue.

No matter the reasons, suicide rates have been steadily increasing over the last few decades, especially among the young. This is correlated with a dramatic increase in diagnoses of depression and other types of mental disorders among both men and women, so perhaps the question as to why people choose to end their lives should be preceded by finding out what's not going so well with our minds.

Those who can't kill will always be subject to those who can

This is a quote from the Generation Kill mini-series about a group of US marines and their lives during the first days of the invasion of Iraq and it's something that stuck with me ever since I first heard it. Replace the word kill with lie, cheat or steal and you still have a very valid sentence. There are those among us who are willing to play outside the established rules of the game, and for the most part, even though they might receive retaliation, they have the advantage, or maybe, better put, they leave everybody else at a disadvantage.

This is the centuries old story of the scorpion and the frog, and it offers a lesson which is as valuable today as it ever was. The moral of the fable is that human nature can't be helped sometimes, and some people will hurt others, regardless of the fact that they might also hurt themselves in the process.

Who is the frog? Well, the frog is a believer. Some might say it's naive, that it represents a person that wants to see the good in everything despite all the signs pointing to the obvious. Helping others and having a positive social behavior is part of human nature and something that's ingrained in our DNA and behavior as a species, so the frog isn't just an idiot, it's a regular guy, somebody that wants to help and believes in positive change.

The scorpion is an opportunist. It's not intrinsically bad, it was just born with certain tools and skills. A killer and a predator, it has his well established role in the food chain, just like the frog has. And again, negative social behavior is also part of human nature. Aggression is as important to the survival of the species just as much as empathy is.

The fable is quite interesting because in the end, it goes to show that nothing is gained. The scorpion goes back to its true self, kills the frog and they both drown together. The frog doesn't get the satisfaction of having trusted somebody and seeing them change in a positive manner and the scorpion doesn't get to where he wanted to go.

There will always be an exchange of stings and misplaced trust between people. Some are natural born killers, others will forever be the optimistic frogs, but for the vast majority of people, they will switch between those roles many times in their lives. It is in our nature to hurt and get hurt, as much as we may try to avoid it. If you're the frog, don't worry, you're going to get stung, but your skin will get thicker in time, and even though a part of you dies, it's the part that you should get rid of anyway. If you're a scorpion, you better learn how to swim because maybe one day you'll meet that thick skinned frog and it will kick you off its back and let you drown when it realizes your true nature.

In the beginning was the word

Communication, the key to all meaningful and successful relationships.You start communicating from the day you are born, receiving information from the outside through your senses and outputting it, first through simple gestures and sounds, then through increasingly complex signals that you learn as you grow up.

The most widely used model of communication specifies that there are five composing elements:

1. An information source, which produces a message.
2. A transmitter, which encodes the message into signals
3. A channel, to which signals are adapted for transmission
4. A receiver, which 'decodes' (reconstructs) the message from the signal.
5. A destination, where the message arrives.

It's pretty apparent that it was based on communicating through radio technology, but it mimics the human pattern quite well. The source is the speaker's brain, the transmitter is made up of the mouth and vocal chords, the channel is the language chosen for transmitting the message, the receiver is the ear and the destination is the listener's brain. This model is obviously not perfect, as it implies communication is unidirectional, doesn't take into account the fact that a message can be interpreted in many different ways and ignores context, but it serves as a good basis of what happens, what can go wrong and how outside interference can affect the process.

Communication is made up of non-verbal (body language and paralinguistic communication) and verbal (communication involving words, spoken or written) communication, with the non-verbal part being said to make up to 93% of it in certain interpretations. That means that every time you read an email, chat online with somebody or send a text message, a big part of what you're transmitting has to be made up by the receiver. The brain cannot comprehend the lack of input coming from the transmitter, so you tend to read the message in their voice and imagine their body language. That is, of course, if you know them. If not, you will use memories and imagination to create a mental representation of them. As all things created in our head, these made up models have a tendency to be inaccurate and distorted from reality.

Words are, however, not powerless, quite far from it actually, and a masterful use of them can create amazingly believable representations in the reader's or listener's mind, which can be truthful or not, depending on the creator's intentions.

In today's day and age, we tend to rely a lot on words, even though we feel we are connected all the time. How connected are we though, since we seem to have given up on using what makes up the vast majority of our communication arsenal? The importance of being able to communicate over long distance is not to be understated, because it's obviously better to write something to your loved ones than not to be able to talk to them at all, it's just that we tend to pick the same methods even with people who are within reach. And what is the most common excuse for that? Lack of time.

Communication and collaboration is what has gotten us this far as a species. If we don't have time for that anymore, where do we go from here?

Blank faces, calm as hindu cows

Keep calm and carry on. We've all seen it and it's countless parodies spread around by the increasingly less original collective mind of the internet. Its lack of originality can perhaps only be rivaled by another meme that got old almost the same day it was invented, the Harlem shake.

But first of all, a little background on its creation. It was invented by the British ministry of propaganda back at the beginning of the Second World War, when the U.K. was facing the possibility of mass aerial bombings from the Germans, with the purpose of "increasing morale", otherwise known as brain washing.

So, you're an English person walking your pudel around in your neighborhood when a Stuka dive bomber comes in and drops a 250 kg bringer of death and destruction right on top of its fluffy little head. What does the government suggests you to do? Well, why don't you go right ahead and brew yourself a small cup of tea.

It is a symbol of the British mentality and highly representative of the calm attitude that they're known for, even when faced with unforeseen danger. At the same time, it suggests a rather dangerous approach of drawing a veil over your own eyes and ignoring reality, just so the machine can keep on functioning with all of its gears running. While this is necessary for the collective good during harsh times, it can be quite detrimental to the individual.

We are human and as humans we should allow ourselves to have natural reactions to surrounding stimuli. A bomb blows up your house? You probably want to scream and go kick some ass, you don't want to "carry on". You're not satisfied with your job conditions or your co-workers are annoying? Find a way to get rid of your resentment or it will find a way for you, but don't just turn your head in the other direction.

Frustration and anger are like steam being accumulated inside a closed system. The pressure keeps growing higher and higher until a release point is eventually broken through - the path of least resistance, or the weak link. If you do not install a release valve and open it at appropriate times, one will be created by force with usually explosive results.

Keep calm and carry on? Nah, I've got a better idea. Get mad and fuck some shit up.

Like a melody

I can't imagine living a life without music, especially without exploring and discovering new things almost every day. There were times when I felt like I was bored with everything, and that there wasn't anything out there that could make me inspired again. Then I'd stumble upon an awesome song which would only serve to start a journey down the magical rabbit hole of finding about that band or genre I've never heard before and which always left me wondering what else is out there.

Curiosity only spawns more curiosity, and I hope I never quit this addiction because the desire for exploration and discovery is one of the simplest and purest joys of life. Discovering new music also brings something extra to the table, because music can be highly emotional, inspiring and thought provoking so actually listening to a song that you connect with is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the mental effects it provokes.

Searching for new music is also a very intimate and personal act. Many are satisfied with just listening what's on the radio, TV, or what other people recommend, but there's something special to just trying things for yourself, alone, just you and your desire to be impressed. In that same aspect, but at the opposite side of the spectrum, it's always nice sharing the stuff you discovered with people close to you, letting them know of a new part of you, because music can be an interesting indicator of one's personality.

Songs are a complex part art, as they combine poetry and music, both of which can trigger emotional responses on their own, but when they come together, they contribute to something that is bigger than the sum of its parts. The connection formed between lyrics and melody when you hear a song you really like for the first time is embedded in your mind forever. I can't imagine reading through the lyrics of a song I know without hearing the music in my head or hearing the instrumental part and not immediately thinking of the words that usually go along with it.

Music inspires and depresses, motivates and destroys the spirit, makes smiles appear out of nowhere and helps the tears come out when they won't on their own. It can help you go through dark times or it can pull you back into them when you least expect it. It can just be something playing in the background when you're doing the dishes or it can draw you in completely and have you ignore everything just so you can be more immersed in it. It can make you dance all night or it can make you curl up into the fetal position while you're laying in bed all day.

Few things in life have such varying and opposing effects over us. There's probably no thought or emotion that hasn't been triggered in someone, somewhere, at some point in time, by a particular piece of music, or perhaps art in general. I wonder what that next cool song I'll find will make me think about.

Float on

We like to think we're in control of our lives most of the time. We decide what time to get up in the morning, what type of cereal we eat, what clothes we choose to wear, where to go and what to do with our time. But all of these only provide you with options, and just by having options doesn't mean you have control.

The first thing we have no control over is our youth. You don't get to choose your parents and the way they impart their values into your mind. You don't get to choose what school you go to and what most of your activities are going to be. Some are lucky and their upbringing is balanced and prepares them for the rest of their lives as best as possible, while others spend most of their days trying to fight and challenge the limitations of their not-so-fortunate emotional baggage.

You don't get to choose your genes. People often underestimate the importance of their genetic background and how much it affects them in almost all areas of their life. You don't get to choose your body. You can only accept it and try to improve it. You don't get to choose your health, you can only influence it. You don't get to choose how long you live, even though you like to think you're doing the best you can to live longer.

The people in your life are not in your control either. You like to think that you chose your friends, but chances are that there are types of people you just click with, and the circumstances were just so right that you ended up as pals. Your co-workers, colleagues, family and friends of friends, are definitely given to you by circumstance, you get no choice as to who gets to be around you most of the time.

Attraction is the most important thing that we completely lack control of. Chemistry. The moment your eyes meet for the first time. The sound of their voice. That thing you like that they also like ("Huh, what a nice coincidence" - bet you've said that to yourself before). You don't get to choose who attracts you, maybe that's why so many people often like the wrong person, or maybe, better said not the right person. Once that moment happened, once the switch was turned on in your head, there's no going back. No matter who the one you like happens to become, or who you find out they already were, most of the time the image you have created of them in your mind will linger on for a long time. Perhaps this is why so many people decide to continue living in toxic or dead-end relationships, or why it's so difficult to let go of a loved one after a break up.

 Why aren't we all going insane then? Because deep down we don't want to be in control. It's too much responsibility. That's why religion is such influential in our world, we like to think that there's a great force out there, pulling all the strings. That's why losing all control over yourself when you're in love with somebody feels so good. We're all just drops in the ocean, touching each others lives while the tides pull us in whatever direction they happen to be going.

Fear

I hate my fear. I hate that it makes me do things that I don't want to do, when I'm not ready to do them, with the sole motivator being the desire to not suffer the consequences. I hate being constrained and only having one option, of acting when I'm at my most vulnerable state, because fear makes you feel weak.

I hate that fear forces me to grow when I am not ready to grow, because the only other alternative would be stagnation, and stagnation leads to nothingness. I've grown out of love for what I want to do and I've grown out of fear of what I don't want to happen, but you sometimes don't get to choose. Evolution (or growth) is never intentional in nature. It is most often violent, ugly and destructive. At the end, only the strongest and those who adapt will survive.

Perhaps this is why I hate fear, because humanity has generally tried to protect and save its weak and less adapted members. We know that growth can happen in absence of a destructive action and we try to help those who cannot adapt as quick, so they can survive today and evolve tomorrow, for evolution has become an intentional act in humans.

Man no longer adapts to the environment, but adapts the environment to himself. Does that mean that evolution has stopped? It's enough to take a look at the world around to realize that the obvious answer is no, it hasn't, it has just taken another form. Evolution has evolved. Fear then has become an apparently obsolete instinct, something that most of the time only hinders progress for most people.

There are still those among us who only use fear as a motivator, either for themselves or as a tool to control others, and perhaps because of this reason, fear will never be truly suppressed. As an individual, the only way to fight fear is through love for knowledge, education and spiritual growth.

Many think that hate is the antithesis of love, but it's not; fear is. You can choose to do something because you love to do it, or because of fear of the potential consequences and never feel true satisfaction. You can be in love with somebody and accept the total loss of control that comes with it, or be afraid to let yourself go and never experience those true feelings. Fear is a lie, love is the truth.

Fear will always be with us, but it can be tamed, it can be handled and brought to its knees, because it's just an illusion, a mirage that is neither here nor there, not now and not then, it is just an ephemeral presence in the mind. And our mind can be our best friend and our worst enemy, if we let it. The burden of choice then lies on us. Say hi to fear when it comes to visit, wave to it, let it know you recognize it, and continue along your path. It will always chase you from behind, but you know what they say when you're one step ahead: nobody remembers those who comes in second place.

Head in the sand

"Why scream, when you can lose yourself inside the widescreen
Let life be a bowl of melted ice cream
[...]
Go to sleep my little time bomb" - Atmosphere - GodLovesUgly

Burying your head in the sand, ignoring the elephant in the room - the English language isn't short on expressions about choosing to ignore obvious problems or rejecting reality. Their meaning is quite obvious, for example, burying your head in the sand will prevent you from seeing what's happening, but the body is still exposed and will suffer the consequences of whatever is coming. An elephant in the room is quite hard to ignore, considering the size of the average elephant in an average room.

Refusing to deal with the truth seems a pretty silly and eventually purposeless action that we sometimes make. Why do we do it? Everybody has their reasons. Sometimes it's just too much to bear and we look for an escape, not realizing that the so-called escape is only temporary and will ultimately just postpone the inevitable, perhaps even making it worse.

In today's world it's easy to select from a multitude of these escapes, with so much information being available to us at all times, through various channels and mediums. There's no shortage of distractions, and we perpetually look for and create more of them.We are becoming increasingly better at ignoring our inner issues every day and the world's doing a great job helping us do exactly that.

We're also learning to accept failure and mediocrity because of it. This is where the melted ice cream bowl metaphor comes in. It's a symbol for missed opportunity - the delusion that at the end of the day melted ice cream is still something sweet and tasty. But it's not what it used to be, is it? It's not what it could have been. The ice cream was supposed to melt in your mouth, not in front of you while you were busy distracting yourself with TV shows and funny pictures on the internet.

The truth can be buried, it can be manipulated, it can be fought, it can be distorted, but it seems to always come back somehow. And when it comes back, it does so with seemingly increased intensity, because it has a life of its own and it does not enjoy being suppressed.

Accept and deal with your problems now, because the ice cream is melting. Some people are okay with that, but those people have probably not tasted greatness, and chances are they never will. You can choose to swim in the ocean or splash around in your bath tub. One of them is small, safe and warm. The other is vast, potentially dangerous, but ultimately amazing. Go make some waves.

Blowing in the wind

It was during spring time, a couple of years ago, around the same time of the year as now. I was walking home back from the gym, and I had to pass through a large college campus to get to the bus station. It was a rather long walk, but it was really enjoyable, because the campus was full of trees, flowers and grass, and there weren't that many people outside that day, perhaps the students were on spring break.

I was feeling really good, calm, relaxed, enjoying the sound of wind blowing through the tree leaves. It had been a good workout, it left me with that amazing feeling of happy exhaustion, the post-exercise endorphin release was doing its job. I really cherished those moments, they were times during which I really felt at peace with the world and myself.

Walking down a lonely pathway, something bright and colorful catches my attention when looking to my side. I usually don't pay attention to these kind of things, but there was this blooming tree that seemed to stand out from everything else. For some reason, I stopped walking, it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my life, and couple with me feeling awesome, I had to take a picture of it.

Before I can take out my phone, a gust of wind starts blowing out of nowhere, pulling away what seemed to be a million flower petals from the tree, which then start floating away like puffy snowflakes. It seemed something out of a beautifully shot Chinese movie, specifically, it reminded me of the red petals scene from the movie Hero (this is what I'm talking about), the difference being that my tree was all white.

This only lasted for a couple of seconds, but it seemed like time stopped for a little while and because nobody was around, I felt like I was watching a spectacle from nature meant to be seen only by me. It was a perfectly simple moment, a type of "wake up and smell the roses" intermission from life and I'll always remember it.

Here's the picture that I took shortly after, I'm really glad I was able to come across it again.

Pain is necessary for growth

In order for personal growth to happen you have to face adversity, pain and suffering. That's what we tell ourselves every time something bad happens to us. And it's one of the biggest lies we choose to believe.

I do it, you do it, everybody does it, it's a normal defense mechanism that for some people helps with the healing process after emotional trauma. But it's still a lie and I insist of reminding myself of that for a few reasons.

First of all, emotional or psychological pain can be debilitating. For example, losing something important in your life can cause you to lose your job, it can adversely affect personal relationships with other people close to you and it can immensely impact your health (and not just mental health) in a negative way. What's so positive about your life spiraling out of control?

Of course, it doesn't happen to everybody in the same way. Some deal with it better than others. Some can move on after only a short period of time, while others linger for years, constantly asking themselves the eternal "what if...?".

At the end of the day, it's just a test. A test of how much can you take before giving up. But not a test of success, more likely a test of well you can handle failure.

After a flesh wound heals, it will leave a scar. Scar tissue on the skin is less flexible, less resistant to radiation and hair follicles will not grow back on it. It's the same way with emotional scars. Time can however help with fading them out and sometimes you're able to return back to being the same way you were before. However, what was gained in all of this? Nothing. You only lost time.

So why insist on the apparently pessimistic view? Because some people believe that the only way inner growth can be achieved is through pain and suffering, which is obviously not true. Take a look around. All the people you know have failed something and have been through some tough times. How many of them have succeeded? If pain is so necessary for success, the answer should be almost all of them. But it's not. The reality is most of them have only succeeded in surviving.

You can choose to grow and get stronger in any way you want without having been through difficult times. Bad things will happen, whether we want to or not. But the point is, we don't have to want them. We don't need to wait for them to come out of nowhere so we can change for the better. Because maybe something so bad will happen that you cannot come back from it, and what happens then? You're left in a place that you're too weak to get out from.

How to deal with it then is up to everybody, and we each go through our own process. What helps is to in fact keep a positive outlook on life, but not in the way of telling yourself that something which caused you pain is what contributes to your growth. What caused you pain contributed to your scar, nothing more. What contributes to your growth is your desire to become a better person, a more balanced person that can maybe avoid trauma or learn to better deal with it.

It sucks and it feels like the end of the world sometimes. But it's not, it has happened to others and it may happen to you again. Now a choice has to be made in your mind, and this is the hard and at the same time, easy part. It's easy because you can either accept it and move on, or you can sit in a dark place for the rest of your life. And it's difficult because we don't know how powerful our minds are when it comes to these things.

For example, some people who are given placebo medication that works for them, and are told that the pills they were taking are in fact sugar, and continue to take them still experience positive effects. They know it's just sugar, it shouldn't work, but it still does, because the choice has already been made.

You don't have to go through hell in order to get to heaven. But if you ever find yourself in hell, you can choose to get out and remind yourself that heaven still exists. Maybe you'll never get there, even if you try, but if you don't try, the possibility drops to zero.

Why weightlifting is meditation

"When the fight was over, nothing was solved, but nothing mattered. We all felt saved." - Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club


What is meditation? Wikipedia defines it as "a practice in which an individual trains the mind or induces a mode of consciousness, either to realize some benefit or as an end in itself." What this means is that it can have an external purpose (whatever you choose that purpose to be) or it just doesn't need one, it can be an escape from one's own mind.

How do you meditate? Get in a comfortable position in a place with as few external stimuli as possible, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. Sounds simple, doesn't it? If you've ever tried it, you would know that it's one of the most difficult things to achieve, and for a simple reason. The brain doesn't like to focus on such a simple thing for too long, it searches for more. The mind starts to wonder, and after a few breaths you realize you're no longer focusing on exhaling and inhaling deeply, but you're thinking about your job, that TV series you watched or how the back of your neck starts to itch.

However, if you manage to focus and keep this focus for even a measly five minutes, you will find yourself in a much calmer state, somewhat at peace with yourself and the world. So, then, it sound like it would be pretty useful to be able to do this for longer and more often.

This is where working out comes in, especially lifting challenging weights. When the body is about to perform an exercise in which a large majority of the muscle system will be involved, the central nervous system (brain) will have to be completely focused on that task. You can't think about your cat, your job or what's for dinner. Because if you and your mind are not completely there, the weight will not move and/or you will get hurt.

For most people the process goes like this: they get into a mental state where they try to prepare for the exercise. They know and have practiced the necessary cues many times in their head (for example straight spine, shoulders back, abs tight). It is a ritual that is followed religiously. Maybe they listen to a song to get pumped up, but even those that do it know that once the weight starts moving, they no longer hear the music, no longer see the wall in front of you, all the people around disappear.

The reason for this is simple, the central nervous system is trying to recruit and control as much of the muscular-skeletal system as possible to work as one in order to perform the exercise. For the brief moments that you're moving the weight, you become the center of your own universe and you are alone in that universe. Starting to sound pretty similar to how meditation is portrayed in certain images, right?

What about the after effects? What happens after you finish a strenuous workout? Well, the muscles are depleted of their fuel, your nervous system quickly has to refocus on the world around it, but something's different. The volume is turned down. External stimuli no longer excite you as much. The world seems to be moving slower. You are at peace. Your brain is rewarding you with pleasant chemicals for going trough such a difficult activity, which is what our bodies were meant to do: struggle and succeed.

So, why did I choose that quote from Fight Club to describe this experience? Most people never realized that fighting is just a metaphor, even though it can be a metaphor about fighting. Life is about fighting. With your environment, with people around you, with tasks and goals, with adversity, with yourself.

In that same way, working out is symbolic for fighting, failing and succeeding, regressing and progressing. It doesn't affect the world around you in any apparent or direct way, but it affects you, and you in turn influence your environment.

Isn't it nice to be able to look at your surroundings with a clear and balanced mind? Isn't it wonderful to be able to turn down the volume? Isn't it amazing to be able to escape from that voice of worry and doubt inside your head?

Why don't you find out for yourself. Go run fast. Jump over an obstacle. Throw something as far as you can. Lift some weights. Fight.

Motivation

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. - Zig Ziglar

This quote perfectly sums up everything you need to know about feeling a lack of motivation to either achieve a new goal or just go on with your daily routine, whether it is caused by depression, having a broken heart or just general bad shit happening in your life.

Everybody can find motivation in a lot of places nowadays, especially on the internet. We have access to the sum of all human knowledge, videos, music and books. You probably already know what inspires you, or at least what used to work before.

But sometimes maybe you're wondering why it doesn't work anymore. Why that motivational video doesn't make you want to go the gym, why that inspirational quote doesn't fire you up like it used to, why the song that made you want to run for hours doesn't get your heart beat up anymore.

The answer is that, like almost everything else in life, it's a constant struggle. Inspiration and motivation are just like food. You can't expect to just have some now and hope that it will last forever. And just like food, you need to spice it up sometimes, or it will start to lose its taste and you'll get bored of it. And again, just like food, you have to remember that just because something doesn't satisfy your tastes now, it doesn't mean it never will again; maybe you just need a break.

It's not easy finding the right thing for you, that one thing that gets you fired up and ready to move mountains. But it's out there, everybody has a trigger, you just need to look harder for it. Don't be afraid to explore, to try new things. Life is all about discovery and re-invention of the self and the world around you.

So if you're feeling down and unwilling to do what you want or need to, and you're wondering why is this happening today, because yesterday everything seemed okay, wonder no more. It's normal and it happens to everybody. You just need another dose of whatever gets you going. Yes, it's an addiction, but it's a good kind of addiction. You don't question your daily need of food to survive, right? It's the same thing for motivation and inspiration, don't question it, give your mind what it needs in order to take you where you want to be.