The following text has been often attributed incorrectly to Charlie Chaplin, but it's actually from a book called "When I Loved Myself Enough" by Kim and Allison McMillen. Anyway, it's not that important to whom it belongs, it's just something I think it's worth reading and pondering about.
"As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.
As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE!"
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Fade to black
I've thought about suicide more than I'd like to admit. I remember talking to a couple of friends once and one of them asks the other if he ever thought about killing himself. His answer was something like "Hell no, and I hope that I never will". Then my turn came and when I said that it's a pretty common occurrence for me they didn't quite believe me. Maybe the fact that I kind of said it like a joke didn't help.
It was the first time I talked about it out loud and while I didn't see it as such a big problem (even though it probably is), it made me ask myself: Why? Why do we do it? Why do we think about it, why do we make plans for it and why do we actually go ahead with those plans and end it all? Humans are the only species that are known for committing suicide. Even more intelligent animals like apes and dolphins have never been documented for engaging in such activities. So maybe intelligence hasn't got much to do with it.
Some do it for what they call a greater purpose, some for honor and some because they think it would be better for those who are close to them (for example, an older person ending his life so he wouldn't be a burden on their community). Most people, however, do it out of despair, which is caused by mental issues, substance abuse and/or stress factors such as financial problems or issues with personal relationships.
Almost a million people commit suicide every year world-wide, with men representing about three quarters of the number of victims, although women attempt suicide much more often. This is probably because of the methods being chosen, men often selecting more violent and therefore more effective means of ending one's life.
I wonder when suicide became a significant cause of death for our society. I bet primitive men, the hunter-gatherer type, didn't have time to think about ending their lives when they had to chase an antelope for three days before they could finally get something to eat. Perhaps suicide is then a product of comfortable living. The fulfillment of our basic needs that used to take up the vast majority of our time, like getting food and shelter, is nowadays, at least for people in developed countries, a non-issue. The physical exercise that usually accompanied obtaining what you needed to survive is also lacking and has to be supplemented through training regimens.
Natural selection is also pretty much non-existent in developed countries. Most diseases are curable or preventable, we have no natural predators and we help our peers in times of need. Suicide then could be nature's way of thinning the herd, culling those who are unfit to be a part of society, as people who end their lives often think of themselves that way, never realizing that they usually leave an emotional void in the hearts of those who care about them.
It is often said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but this is not always the case. For terminally ill patients, it's a way of minimizing the amount of pain felt, but the moral debates have yet to be settled on this issue.
No matter the reasons, suicide rates have been steadily increasing over the last few decades, especially among the young. This is correlated with a dramatic increase in diagnoses of depression and other types of mental disorders among both men and women, so perhaps the question as to why people choose to end their lives should be preceded by finding out what's not going so well with our minds.
It was the first time I talked about it out loud and while I didn't see it as such a big problem (even though it probably is), it made me ask myself: Why? Why do we do it? Why do we think about it, why do we make plans for it and why do we actually go ahead with those plans and end it all? Humans are the only species that are known for committing suicide. Even more intelligent animals like apes and dolphins have never been documented for engaging in such activities. So maybe intelligence hasn't got much to do with it.
Some do it for what they call a greater purpose, some for honor and some because they think it would be better for those who are close to them (for example, an older person ending his life so he wouldn't be a burden on their community). Most people, however, do it out of despair, which is caused by mental issues, substance abuse and/or stress factors such as financial problems or issues with personal relationships.
Almost a million people commit suicide every year world-wide, with men representing about three quarters of the number of victims, although women attempt suicide much more often. This is probably because of the methods being chosen, men often selecting more violent and therefore more effective means of ending one's life.
I wonder when suicide became a significant cause of death for our society. I bet primitive men, the hunter-gatherer type, didn't have time to think about ending their lives when they had to chase an antelope for three days before they could finally get something to eat. Perhaps suicide is then a product of comfortable living. The fulfillment of our basic needs that used to take up the vast majority of our time, like getting food and shelter, is nowadays, at least for people in developed countries, a non-issue. The physical exercise that usually accompanied obtaining what you needed to survive is also lacking and has to be supplemented through training regimens.
Natural selection is also pretty much non-existent in developed countries. Most diseases are curable or preventable, we have no natural predators and we help our peers in times of need. Suicide then could be nature's way of thinning the herd, culling those who are unfit to be a part of society, as people who end their lives often think of themselves that way, never realizing that they usually leave an emotional void in the hearts of those who care about them.
It is often said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but this is not always the case. For terminally ill patients, it's a way of minimizing the amount of pain felt, but the moral debates have yet to be settled on this issue.
No matter the reasons, suicide rates have been steadily increasing over the last few decades, especially among the young. This is correlated with a dramatic increase in diagnoses of depression and other types of mental disorders among both men and women, so perhaps the question as to why people choose to end their lives should be preceded by finding out what's not going so well with our minds.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Those who can't kill will always be subject to those who can
This is a quote from the Generation Kill mini-series about a group of US marines and their lives during the first days of the invasion of Iraq and it's something that stuck with me ever since I first heard it. Replace the word kill with lie, cheat or steal and you still have a very valid sentence. There are those among us who are willing to play outside the established rules of the game, and for the most part, even though they might receive retaliation, they have the advantage, or maybe, better put, they leave everybody else at a disadvantage.
This is the centuries old story of the scorpion and the frog, and it offers a lesson which is as valuable today as it ever was. The moral of the fable is that human nature can't be helped sometimes, and some people will hurt others, regardless of the fact that they might also hurt themselves in the process.
Who is the frog? Well, the frog is a believer. Some might say it's naive, that it represents a person that wants to see the good in everything despite all the signs pointing to the obvious. Helping others and having a positive social behavior is part of human nature and something that's ingrained in our DNA and behavior as a species, so the frog isn't just an idiot, it's a regular guy, somebody that wants to help and believes in positive change.
The scorpion is an opportunist. It's not intrinsically bad, it was just born with certain tools and skills. A killer and a predator, it has his well established role in the food chain, just like the frog has. And again, negative social behavior is also part of human nature. Aggression is as important to the survival of the species just as much as empathy is.
The fable is quite interesting because in the end, it goes to show that nothing is gained. The scorpion goes back to its true self, kills the frog and they both drown together. The frog doesn't get the satisfaction of having trusted somebody and seeing them change in a positive manner and the scorpion doesn't get to where he wanted to go.
There will always be an exchange of stings and misplaced trust between people. Some are natural born killers, others will forever be the optimistic frogs, but for the vast majority of people, they will switch between those roles many times in their lives. It is in our nature to hurt and get hurt, as much as we may try to avoid it. If you're the frog, don't worry, you're going to get stung, but your skin will get thicker in time, and even though a part of you dies, it's the part that you should get rid of anyway. If you're a scorpion, you better learn how to swim because maybe one day you'll meet that thick skinned frog and it will kick you off its back and let you drown when it realizes your true nature.
This is the centuries old story of the scorpion and the frog, and it offers a lesson which is as valuable today as it ever was. The moral of the fable is that human nature can't be helped sometimes, and some people will hurt others, regardless of the fact that they might also hurt themselves in the process.
Who is the frog? Well, the frog is a believer. Some might say it's naive, that it represents a person that wants to see the good in everything despite all the signs pointing to the obvious. Helping others and having a positive social behavior is part of human nature and something that's ingrained in our DNA and behavior as a species, so the frog isn't just an idiot, it's a regular guy, somebody that wants to help and believes in positive change.
The scorpion is an opportunist. It's not intrinsically bad, it was just born with certain tools and skills. A killer and a predator, it has his well established role in the food chain, just like the frog has. And again, negative social behavior is also part of human nature. Aggression is as important to the survival of the species just as much as empathy is.
The fable is quite interesting because in the end, it goes to show that nothing is gained. The scorpion goes back to its true self, kills the frog and they both drown together. The frog doesn't get the satisfaction of having trusted somebody and seeing them change in a positive manner and the scorpion doesn't get to where he wanted to go.
There will always be an exchange of stings and misplaced trust between people. Some are natural born killers, others will forever be the optimistic frogs, but for the vast majority of people, they will switch between those roles many times in their lives. It is in our nature to hurt and get hurt, as much as we may try to avoid it. If you're the frog, don't worry, you're going to get stung, but your skin will get thicker in time, and even though a part of you dies, it's the part that you should get rid of anyway. If you're a scorpion, you better learn how to swim because maybe one day you'll meet that thick skinned frog and it will kick you off its back and let you drown when it realizes your true nature.
Monday, March 25, 2013
In the beginning was the word
Communication, the key to all meaningful and successful relationships.You start communicating from the day you are born, receiving information from the outside through your senses and outputting it, first through simple gestures and sounds, then through increasingly complex signals that you learn as you grow up.
The most widely used model of communication specifies that there are five composing elements:
Communication is made up of non-verbal (body language and paralinguistic communication) and verbal (communication involving words, spoken or written) communication, with the non-verbal part being said to make up to 93% of it in certain interpretations. That means that every time you read an email, chat online with somebody or send a text message, a big part of what you're transmitting has to be made up by the receiver. The brain cannot comprehend the lack of input coming from the transmitter, so you tend to read the message in their voice and imagine their body language. That is, of course, if you know them. If not, you will use memories and imagination to create a mental representation of them. As all things created in our head, these made up models have a tendency to be inaccurate and distorted from reality.
Words are, however, not powerless, quite far from it actually, and a masterful use of them can create amazingly believable representations in the reader's or listener's mind, which can be truthful or not, depending on the creator's intentions.
In today's day and age, we tend to rely a lot on words, even though we feel we are connected all the time. How connected are we though, since we seem to have given up on using what makes up the vast majority of our communication arsenal? The importance of being able to communicate over long distance is not to be understated, because it's obviously better to write something to your loved ones than not to be able to talk to them at all, it's just that we tend to pick the same methods even with people who are within reach. And what is the most common excuse for that? Lack of time.
Communication and collaboration is what has gotten us this far as a species. If we don't have time for that anymore, where do we go from here?
The most widely used model of communication specifies that there are five composing elements:
- An information source, which produces a message.
- A transmitter, which encodes the message into signals
- A channel, to which signals are adapted for transmission
- A receiver, which 'decodes' (reconstructs) the message from the signal.
- A destination, where the message arrives.
Communication is made up of non-verbal (body language and paralinguistic communication) and verbal (communication involving words, spoken or written) communication, with the non-verbal part being said to make up to 93% of it in certain interpretations. That means that every time you read an email, chat online with somebody or send a text message, a big part of what you're transmitting has to be made up by the receiver. The brain cannot comprehend the lack of input coming from the transmitter, so you tend to read the message in their voice and imagine their body language. That is, of course, if you know them. If not, you will use memories and imagination to create a mental representation of them. As all things created in our head, these made up models have a tendency to be inaccurate and distorted from reality.
Words are, however, not powerless, quite far from it actually, and a masterful use of them can create amazingly believable representations in the reader's or listener's mind, which can be truthful or not, depending on the creator's intentions.
In today's day and age, we tend to rely a lot on words, even though we feel we are connected all the time. How connected are we though, since we seem to have given up on using what makes up the vast majority of our communication arsenal? The importance of being able to communicate over long distance is not to be understated, because it's obviously better to write something to your loved ones than not to be able to talk to them at all, it's just that we tend to pick the same methods even with people who are within reach. And what is the most common excuse for that? Lack of time.
Communication and collaboration is what has gotten us this far as a species. If we don't have time for that anymore, where do we go from here?
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Blank faces, calm as hindu cows
Keep calm and carry on. We've all seen it and it's countless parodies spread around by the increasingly less original collective mind of the internet. Its lack of originality can perhaps only be rivaled by another meme that got old almost the same day it was invented, the Harlem shake.
But first of all, a little background on its creation. It was invented by the British ministry of propaganda back at the beginning of the Second World War, when the U.K. was facing the possibility of mass aerial bombings from the Germans, with the purpose of "increasing morale", otherwise known as brain washing.
So, you're an English person walking your pudel around in your neighborhood when a Stuka dive bomber comes in and drops a 250 kg bringer of death and destruction right on top of its fluffy little head. What does the government suggests you to do? Well, why don't you go right ahead and brew yourself a small cup of tea.
It is a symbol of the British mentality and highly representative of the calm attitude that they're known for, even when faced with unforeseen danger. At the same time, it suggests a rather dangerous approach of drawing a veil over your own eyes and ignoring reality, just so the machine can keep on functioning with all of its gears running. While this is necessary for the collective good during harsh times, it can be quite detrimental to the individual.
We are human and as humans we should allow ourselves to have natural reactions to surrounding stimuli. A bomb blows up your house? You probably want to scream and go kick some ass, you don't want to "carry on". You're not satisfied with your job conditions or your co-workers are annoying? Find a way to get rid of your resentment or it will find a way for you, but don't just turn your head in the other direction.
Frustration and anger are like steam being accumulated inside a closed system. The pressure keeps growing higher and higher until a release point is eventually broken through - the path of least resistance, or the weak link. If you do not install a release valve and open it at appropriate times, one will be created by force with usually explosive results.
Keep calm and carry on? Nah, I've got a better idea. Get mad and fuck some shit up.
But first of all, a little background on its creation. It was invented by the British ministry of propaganda back at the beginning of the Second World War, when the U.K. was facing the possibility of mass aerial bombings from the Germans, with the purpose of "increasing morale", otherwise known as brain washing.
So, you're an English person walking your pudel around in your neighborhood when a Stuka dive bomber comes in and drops a 250 kg bringer of death and destruction right on top of its fluffy little head. What does the government suggests you to do? Well, why don't you go right ahead and brew yourself a small cup of tea.
It is a symbol of the British mentality and highly representative of the calm attitude that they're known for, even when faced with unforeseen danger. At the same time, it suggests a rather dangerous approach of drawing a veil over your own eyes and ignoring reality, just so the machine can keep on functioning with all of its gears running. While this is necessary for the collective good during harsh times, it can be quite detrimental to the individual.
We are human and as humans we should allow ourselves to have natural reactions to surrounding stimuli. A bomb blows up your house? You probably want to scream and go kick some ass, you don't want to "carry on". You're not satisfied with your job conditions or your co-workers are annoying? Find a way to get rid of your resentment or it will find a way for you, but don't just turn your head in the other direction.
Frustration and anger are like steam being accumulated inside a closed system. The pressure keeps growing higher and higher until a release point is eventually broken through - the path of least resistance, or the weak link. If you do not install a release valve and open it at appropriate times, one will be created by force with usually explosive results.
Keep calm and carry on? Nah, I've got a better idea. Get mad and fuck some shit up.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Like a melody
I can't imagine living a life without music, especially without exploring and discovering new things almost every day. There were times when I felt like I was bored with everything, and that there wasn't anything out there that could make me inspired again. Then I'd stumble upon an awesome song which would only serve to start a journey down the magical rabbit hole of finding about that band or genre I've never heard before and which always left me wondering what else is out there.
Curiosity only spawns more curiosity, and I hope I never quit this addiction because the desire for exploration and discovery is one of the simplest and purest joys of life. Discovering new music also brings something extra to the table, because music can be highly emotional, inspiring and thought provoking so actually listening to a song that you connect with is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the mental effects it provokes.
Searching for new music is also a very intimate and personal act. Many are satisfied with just listening what's on the radio, TV, or what other people recommend, but there's something special to just trying things for yourself, alone, just you and your desire to be impressed. In that same aspect, but at the opposite side of the spectrum, it's always nice sharing the stuff you discovered with people close to you, letting them know of a new part of you, because music can be an interesting indicator of one's personality.
Songs are a complex part art, as they combine poetry and music, both of which can trigger emotional responses on their own, but when they come together, they contribute to something that is bigger than the sum of its parts. The connection formed between lyrics and melody when you hear a song you really like for the first time is embedded in your mind forever. I can't imagine reading through the lyrics of a song I know without hearing the music in my head or hearing the instrumental part and not immediately thinking of the words that usually go along with it.
Music inspires and depresses, motivates and destroys the spirit, makes smiles appear out of nowhere and helps the tears come out when they won't on their own. It can help you go through dark times or it can pull you back into them when you least expect it. It can just be something playing in the background when you're doing the dishes or it can draw you in completely and have you ignore everything just so you can be more immersed in it. It can make you dance all night or it can make you curl up into the fetal position while you're laying in bed all day.
Few things in life have such varying and opposing effects over us. There's probably no thought or emotion that hasn't been triggered in someone, somewhere, at some point in time, by a particular piece of music, or perhaps art in general. I wonder what that next cool song I'll find will make me think about.
Curiosity only spawns more curiosity, and I hope I never quit this addiction because the desire for exploration and discovery is one of the simplest and purest joys of life. Discovering new music also brings something extra to the table, because music can be highly emotional, inspiring and thought provoking so actually listening to a song that you connect with is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the mental effects it provokes.
Searching for new music is also a very intimate and personal act. Many are satisfied with just listening what's on the radio, TV, or what other people recommend, but there's something special to just trying things for yourself, alone, just you and your desire to be impressed. In that same aspect, but at the opposite side of the spectrum, it's always nice sharing the stuff you discovered with people close to you, letting them know of a new part of you, because music can be an interesting indicator of one's personality.
Songs are a complex part art, as they combine poetry and music, both of which can trigger emotional responses on their own, but when they come together, they contribute to something that is bigger than the sum of its parts. The connection formed between lyrics and melody when you hear a song you really like for the first time is embedded in your mind forever. I can't imagine reading through the lyrics of a song I know without hearing the music in my head or hearing the instrumental part and not immediately thinking of the words that usually go along with it.
Music inspires and depresses, motivates and destroys the spirit, makes smiles appear out of nowhere and helps the tears come out when they won't on their own. It can help you go through dark times or it can pull you back into them when you least expect it. It can just be something playing in the background when you're doing the dishes or it can draw you in completely and have you ignore everything just so you can be more immersed in it. It can make you dance all night or it can make you curl up into the fetal position while you're laying in bed all day.
Few things in life have such varying and opposing effects over us. There's probably no thought or emotion that hasn't been triggered in someone, somewhere, at some point in time, by a particular piece of music, or perhaps art in general. I wonder what that next cool song I'll find will make me think about.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Float on
We like to think we're in control of our lives most of the time. We decide what time to get up in the morning, what type of cereal we eat, what clothes we choose to wear, where to go and what to do with our time. But all of these only provide you with options, and just by having options doesn't mean you have control.
The first thing we have no control over is our youth. You don't get to choose your parents and the way they impart their values into your mind. You don't get to choose what school you go to and what most of your activities are going to be. Some are lucky and their upbringing is balanced and prepares them for the rest of their lives as best as possible, while others spend most of their days trying to fight and challenge the limitations of their not-so-fortunate emotional baggage.
You don't get to choose your genes. People often underestimate the importance of their genetic background and how much it affects them in almost all areas of their life. You don't get to choose your body. You can only accept it and try to improve it. You don't get to choose your health, you can only influence it. You don't get to choose how long you live, even though you like to think you're doing the best you can to live longer.
The people in your life are not in your control either. You like to think that you chose your friends, but chances are that there are types of people you just click with, and the circumstances were just so right that you ended up as pals. Your co-workers, colleagues, family and friends of friends, are definitely given to you by circumstance, you get no choice as to who gets to be around you most of the time.
Attraction is the most important thing that we completely lack control of. Chemistry. The moment your eyes meet for the first time. The sound of their voice. That thing you like that they also like ("Huh, what a nice coincidence" - bet you've said that to yourself before). You don't get to choose who attracts you, maybe that's why so many people often like the wrong person, or maybe, better said not the right person. Once that moment happened, once the switch was turned on in your head, there's no going back. No matter who the one you like happens to become, or who you find out they already were, most of the time the image you have created of them in your mind will linger on for a long time. Perhaps this is why so many people decide to continue living in toxic or dead-end relationships, or why it's so difficult to let go of a loved one after a break up.
Why aren't we all going insane then? Because deep down we don't want to be in control. It's too much responsibility. That's why religion is such influential in our world, we like to think that there's a great force out there, pulling all the strings. That's why losing all control over yourself when you're in love with somebody feels so good. We're all just drops in the ocean, touching each others lives while the tides pull us in whatever direction they happen to be going.
The first thing we have no control over is our youth. You don't get to choose your parents and the way they impart their values into your mind. You don't get to choose what school you go to and what most of your activities are going to be. Some are lucky and their upbringing is balanced and prepares them for the rest of their lives as best as possible, while others spend most of their days trying to fight and challenge the limitations of their not-so-fortunate emotional baggage.
You don't get to choose your genes. People often underestimate the importance of their genetic background and how much it affects them in almost all areas of their life. You don't get to choose your body. You can only accept it and try to improve it. You don't get to choose your health, you can only influence it. You don't get to choose how long you live, even though you like to think you're doing the best you can to live longer.
The people in your life are not in your control either. You like to think that you chose your friends, but chances are that there are types of people you just click with, and the circumstances were just so right that you ended up as pals. Your co-workers, colleagues, family and friends of friends, are definitely given to you by circumstance, you get no choice as to who gets to be around you most of the time.
Attraction is the most important thing that we completely lack control of. Chemistry. The moment your eyes meet for the first time. The sound of their voice. That thing you like that they also like ("Huh, what a nice coincidence" - bet you've said that to yourself before). You don't get to choose who attracts you, maybe that's why so many people often like the wrong person, or maybe, better said not the right person. Once that moment happened, once the switch was turned on in your head, there's no going back. No matter who the one you like happens to become, or who you find out they already were, most of the time the image you have created of them in your mind will linger on for a long time. Perhaps this is why so many people decide to continue living in toxic or dead-end relationships, or why it's so difficult to let go of a loved one after a break up.
Why aren't we all going insane then? Because deep down we don't want to be in control. It's too much responsibility. That's why religion is such influential in our world, we like to think that there's a great force out there, pulling all the strings. That's why losing all control over yourself when you're in love with somebody feels so good. We're all just drops in the ocean, touching each others lives while the tides pull us in whatever direction they happen to be going.